i love thepleatolosemyv. Always puts me in a good mood!
There seems to be a stereotype around virgins. I can feel it every time one of my friends remembers i’ve never had sex. I can almost feel them becoming more guarded as if they need to watch what they say a little more, or sit me down and hold my hand as they explain their sex lives to me.
I had the birds and bees talk just like everyone else. I don’t care which bird is fucking which bee - the science is all the same.
Although it rarely comes up when i’m chatting to strangers, if it ever does slip out that i’ve never had sex, 1 of 2 things will most definitely happen:
- They reduce their use of cursing, to my dismay become significantly less crude and treat me like a stepford wife terrified of living in sin.
- OR, they make me their target for the night. Repeatedly serenading me with romantic words such as “i’m going to ruin you tonight”
This is why i tend to stay away from giving away too much detail to people i’ve just met. I mean no one else is shouting out their number so why should i be any different? Granted my number is zero, but still!
I’ll give you an example to show what i really like to do on a night out:
When: A few months ago
What: A friends’ birthday
Where: A dirty pub, with a cramped dance floor and grubby toilets where plenty of mistakes can be made.
The theme of the party was “fun hats” so obviously i show up in a beer hat. that counts, right?
Needless to say after the first hour things start to get a little blurry. I couldn’t exactly be caught wearing a beer hat with no beer in it - i do have SOME standards.
The first guy i end up making out with was a randomer on the dance floor whose name i didn’t care for. In all honesty i think we were just dancing too close so our faces collided, but we both decided to just go with it. No words were required.
Soon enough i got that all too familiar feeling. I was going to be sick. I had no option but to run through the crowd in order to not make a mess. By ran i mean i literally tore away from his lips and legged it to the closest toilet. But of course, having my luck, there was no lock on it. I slammed the door behind me and flung myself at the toilet bowl where i continued to projectile vomit. Once i was finished making room for more alcohol i turn around and to my shame see the bouncer standing there waiting patiently.
After being escorted out and having a chat about how i am “allergic to alcohol” and most definitely not too drunk i am allowed back in to continue the show.
A few more drinks in me and i make my way back to the dance floor. At this point i return to my group of friends and push through people in order to find my usual make-out friend. We do our usual thing until we are both bored of kissing.
Dancing with the group i start noticing the birthday girls brother. I’d never spoken to him but his increasingly aggressive grinding was doing something for me. Between the blurs i was able to make out his tall height and blond hair. In my mind i had found brad pitt. We both lunge at each other and progress to lock lips in the centre of our dance circle. In my drunken state even i could tell this was not a pretty site. Tongues were flying everywhere, butts and boobs were being grabbed and my chin was getting more and more wet. That may have been my sign that i had embarrassed myself enough for one night.
I may not hold my alcohol well, and i may get with almost any guy in site but that’s EXACTLY what i enjoy on a night out. Virgin or not.
I like to get sloppy, have meaningless conversations with people i will never meet again and taste the tongues of numerous men.
And, to be frank, I cant bloody wait to add shagging to that list!